wow its been a year almost since my last post... umm so much as changed and will keep changin... life in general could be worse? i have accomplished a few things and finally bought my first home... operation is around the corner and to be honest iam afraid ... what would walkin and running be like with out the screws? and how would it affect work and health and my career i wish to pursue.
took me 8 months to be able to be brave enough to actually run and it wasnt so bad but fuck the other month was painful... and i yet again i will always carry the scars with me. blame my silly self as usual...
never the less, this year i have met alot of incredible ppl ...new friends that i would never imagine so sincere, caring , thoughtful, helpful, honest , and most important with such beautiful inner beauty and a good heart... and all of them. that im speechless ... life is like a bus stop ...ppl get on and get off.. all the time... time after time...and we learn to see who really is willing to be there in the end or at least make it half way to show they really tried...
all i can say is i have tried, and i really dont see a point havin friends who find you when they want and when they feel like it... and when you really fuckin need them and trust me ..bad moments dont happen once... you got to be there each time there is a bad moment.. and i went through alot and the amount of effort a friend puts in ...in time really reflects how much they care. and i can say im hurt im dissapointed i think about 2 ppl alot ..i drive pass their house missing them... wonderin how they are but really..really.. i tried talkin and talkin comes to a point i dont need ppl to treat me like that.
as we grow old we need real friends someone who is reliable ...understanding... dependable and mature, honesty is usually the best policy but not in these both cases... its a type of consistency we need not a bum chum .... coz they are plenty of those type of friends around.
all i know is that i was there for you ppl, i would drop everything to travel near and far .. when i wasnt drivin and until i was finally driving... i would come to your house with medicine and water and fruit... would take you home when you sprained your ankle ditchin my date and friends for you... i would take a bullet for you.. i would defend YOU from those assholes who have hurt you.. talk and talk sence into you... and what stinks is sad to say. i told YOU so..each and every time you fell....and never did i judge you for your usual stubborn foolish self.... i saw you across the road .. 2 yrs ago i ran the other direction but you saw me and i was like damn it... but i stood around to chat... coz i was still angry at the fact of how much of a doggy friend you where...
yr later... i literally drove pass you with out even a 2nd glace being the cold person i have become... shows how determine iam and how hurt i was by your lack of actions and consideration. im such a easy person to get along with but srsly .. if ppl dont take you srsly why should you even fork out even half of what they have done? and its time to choose the ppl you want in your life... the ppl who are apart of your life and makes effort and a diffence..... i have enough shit on my plate ..and srsly knowone should worry or be upset about doggy shitty ppl in your life who does jack all ... you did so lil that even today and the pass months with out you ppl .. srsly made NO difference the only reason i still feel dissapointed and cutt and i miss you ppl is because i truely believed there was something more and that i believed in YOU. but there really wasnt anything there from the start... dont know why i even came back time after time after time to prove a simple point....
you will meet many new friends.. to go hang and club with but srsly new friends are silver old friends are gold. finding a friend who would take a bullet for you and drop everything just to be there for you ... it takes a long time to bump into one and to even find one and years to know someone! i look back with no shame or regrets....
some ppl just dont change... and just dont see the bigger picture at all. there is only black and white i just dont like ppl who are in the grey side... complications*
i rest my case .
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